How to Recognize and Manage the Need for Change

“What the hell’s the matter with that horse?” yelled my husband.

It had happened without warning. And there I was lying in the dust, intense pain shooting through my shoulder and down my right arm.

I was afraid to move, momentarily shocked by the powerful headbutt from my dear Freddy. I was not sure what had caused him to react in such a threatening way.

My husband reached down to help me up. Naturally, he grabbed my right arm as I lay moaning on my left side.

“Don’t touch me,” I yelled at him. “Don’t, don’t. It hurts too much.”

“What did you do?” My husband’s tone changed from concern to wonder. He was as surprised as I was at Freddy’s behavior.

His first thought after realizing I was going to be okay was to assume it was something I had done to spook our gentle giant.

But the reality was not something I had done differently, it was Freddy.

He was behaving differently. He was getting older and we had noticed several little things over the last year indicating he was losing his vision.

We didn’t want to face it. We shoved aside the thought that the days of riding Freddy into the mountains or looking for lost cows or giving the grandkids horseback rides were over.

Freddy was changing and we had to come up with a new way of handling him.

Acknowledging the signs.

Sometimes it takes a shocking, painful event to wake us up, to get us thinking seriously about our life, career, the people, and things we love.

So often we get small signs, itchy feelings, a momentary gut instinct about aspects of our lives that we ignore or put on the back burner.

Subconsciously, we know. Those feelings and instincts don’t just go away. They fester until some crazy event forces us to deal with them.

For me, it was my career.

After being in the classroom for nearly thirty years, I was sensing a need for change.

I love teaching, but I don’t like dealing with all the laws and regulations imposed by people that have no idea how rural schools work.

There is a continual growth of paperwork and meetings compounded by the dwindling lack of parental and public support our students need.

I was gradually burning out. It was becoming harder to get myself going in the morning.

I was getting more and more resentful of the extra time and personal money I was spending on supplies and curriculum to keep my classroom running effectively.

I secretly contemplated my options. What did I really want to do? I love to read. I love to write. I love working from home.

I love creating my own schedule and deciding for myself which projects to work on and how best to approach them.

But I shoved those thoughts aside. I needed to make a living.

Then comes the headbutt.

At the end of the school year, I was RIF’d. Or in plain English, I was laid off due to a reduction in force. I had a unique teaching position and the budget for it was cut.

It was a first for me, but the signs had been there for months. I chose to ignore them because it meant making huge changes in my life. Now the time had come to deal with them “head-on.”

But my vision was skewed.

Not like Freddy who was physically losing his sight.

My internal light, the lantern that should be leading my mental, emotional, and spiritual growth, was swinging in all directions.

Where did I want to go? What direction should I take?

Without a clear vision of my future, I felt lost and confused.

Like Freddy, I could see well enough to get my immediate needs met. Yet I was guarded emotionally, exhausted mentally, and lacking any sort of spiritual purpose.

I needed to restore my vision, set goals, define my purpose.

Things were going to change.

I wanted them to change. I had been itching for a change for some time now.

I was also afraid of the change.

That’s when I acknowledged the change was already happening.

I was in the middle of it, laying in the dust crying, “Don’t touch me!” for fear of being in further pain.

I pulled myself up, brushed off the dust, and retrieved my glasses. I needed to get a good look at the situation.

Acknowledging what needs to be done.

I started by allowing myself to dream about possibilities.

From there I created a vision, a path to follow knowing there would be twists and turns, bumps and rocks along the way.

The swinging lantern is slowing down and I’m taking it one step at a time.

Getting knocked to the ground by a horse I have loved and trusted for over twenty years forced me to deal with his physical condition.

I must change how I take care of Freddy, how I handle him, and remember to warn others about his failing eyesight. He has no control over what is happening to him so he reacts in fear, sometimes hurting the very people that love and care for him.

I, on the other hand, do have control over how I respond to the events in my life, big and small.

I can become more aware of those niggling little signs telling me to take action.

Or I can wait for some crazy, chaotic event to force me to do it.

It took getting RIF’d to make me realize this.

I can do without the headbutts, thank you very much.

But, if that’s what it takes to make my dreams become reality, I will just have to deal with it.

Takeaways from my experience.

• Be aware of those little signs, your gut instincts, that indicate something needs to change.
• Acknowledge crazy, chaotic, or painful events are opportunities for change.
• Change is scary but inevitable. It happening all around you. Accept it and work with it.
• Create a clear vision, a path to reach your goals and dreams.
• When your “lantern” starts swinging, slow down and take it one step at a time.
• If you fall down, get up and dust yourself off. Then get moving again.
• Even the things, the people, the places you love most will change. Be there to help them.

Have you experienced a “headbutt” that has you facing the need for change?